Friday, February 3, 2012

Time Travel Insurance

          The time has come for the next step in insurance.  That's right.  Time travel insurance.  For only $100 a month, you too can be covered on any temporal journey you may undertake.  Just remember, if you have a time machine, the payments can be made almost negligible by going back about 75 years and putting that $100 in the bank of your choice (just make sure the bank is still operating in this century) and the interest alone will make the payment seem like nothing.  Please send all checks or money orders to me, though, as it was my idea.
     Just think, you can go back in time and fix all those little problems that seem to have kept you back all of these years.  Or, go back in time and kill Hitler before his rise to power and he does all those terrible things that made him a permanent fixture in history.  Which is why you need the insurance.  Unless you are a master spy, you won't even get close to Hitler.   You just have to remember that there is a cause and effect for everything you do while back in the past.    You wouldn't want to wipe out a relative you didn't know you had, thus wiping out your own existence.  How embarrassing would that be!  Again, you need this insurance.
     Think about who you want for your beneficiary.  Do they have access to your time machine?  Would they know how to operate it?  If so, you might want to be careful that they don't go back in time and kill you just after you have signed the insurance forms.    Greedy people do things like that.  Make sure you get that put in as a clause to your insurance, we'll call it the Death After Signing Clause. 
     Now that you are covered and are fairly certain you are safe from your beneficiary, feel free to travel where you would like, just be careful you don't cross your own timeline and screw up your own existence, as that won't be covered in the insurance.  It's just too easy to mess your own life up.  But we know that or you wouldn't be going back in time trying to fix your life, would we?  Time travel jargon can get confusing also, as you will be using past tenses before they happen and vice versa.  Would have, should have, and could have will take on a whole new meaning, as you will have and could have already done the things you will have or could have done.  Read your policy carefully, as the wording will be very confusing to those without temporal language skills.  Shucks, you may be paying me for nothing and get absolutely nothing in return.  Now that sounds like a real insurance policy to me!
     Anyway, enjoy your time travel secure in the knowledge that if anything does happen to you, that your beneficiary will enjoy the wealth that is coming to them.  Thanks for reading ya'll.  Have a better one.

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